Oh, yes, we are going there, right off the bat my friends. It is true. I did. I'm not sure I would have said 'that' then but looking back, dang, slap me right across the face will ya.
I can recall it like it was yesterday. The deep desires to 'look like a super model', to 'perform athletically like a pro' and to ensure the grades were undeniably a reflection of my hard work and brain power. These deep desires comboed (wait, is that a word?) with my need to please and my well, let's just call it, low self-esteem for lack of better words proved to be a ticking time bomb for me.
It was late Junior year in high school. College scouts were coming to all the soccer tournies and games and prepping to make offers. I wasn't the fastest or was I the thinnest, but I was likely the most aggressive and don't give a shittest. Maybe the endured trauma fueled this (stress release baby!) or maybe it was simply innate.
Regardless, I wanted to be the best, perform the best, do the best, and, duh, look the best so I stopped eating and started running. Yup, 10 saltines and 32 ounces of water for breakfast was pure discipline. Lunch, well, skipped that and drank water. Then, dinner after a 2 hour soccer practice had to wait until I returned home from running an additional 4 miles.
Some 30+ pounds less later and many eyes on me, I was running faster, looked perceivably 'better', but couldn't finish a 90 minute game with full power, oops.