I'm a 42 year old woman who, well, would like to say I have some brains. So, some days I sit and wonder 'why things take so long' for the ah-ha moments to come. I know there are so many layers within us. Literally from the time of conception, we begin to collect layers. We have (hopefully) 40 weeks gestation living through the vessel carrying us. Living their experiences, their environment, their emotions. We are imprinted. The imprints continue through our birth experience, the 4th trimester and beyond. We, as beings, are in constant adjustment and awareness to the world around us. Working diligently, our inner physician, is striving for homeostasis.
We have the capacity to store, deep within ourselves, what we experience. Especially, in the instance of something negative, traumatic, undeniably hurtful, our brains and body will store the mental thoughts, beliefs, emotions and/or behaviors we have at that time. Storage occurs inevitably in the weakest area of our body at that time.
So, if you just rolled your ankle last week and today you find out someone close to you has passed on, you will likely store the feelings and emotions you have in your ankle. This takes up space and affects the mechanical movement of your ankle now, affecting how you walk, and how you heal from the ankle sprain. More often than not, your ankle continues to be a weak link and cause you problems for years to come, until the memory within this space, that no longer serves you, is transformed and released.
How does this relate to tug-of-war, you ask. Let me explain...
I actually don't mean the literal game. You know the one with the really long, thick rope and you have one team on the right side of the center flag and the other team on the left side of the center flag. The kind where you pull and pull and pull, your feet slide, your hands get ripped to shreds from gripping the slipping rope drawing blood. I do mean, however, the figurative kind of tug-of-war. The kind where you hold your emotions so strong toward someone or something that you are continuing to rip your hands (and likely heart) to shreds.
This is the kind of tug-of-war where your anger, hurt, hate, despair, grief, sadness, agony, and more are residing deep within you pulling and pulling and pulling on this rope. You are truly in a constant game of tug-of-war (internally).